<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Pining, Pitch by swampslip</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30025404">Pining, Pitch</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/swampslip/pseuds/swampslip'>swampslip</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Age Difference, Catholic Guilt, Coming Out, Developing Relationship, M/M, Masturbation, Pre-Canon, THATS A TAG LMAOOO</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:15:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,867</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30025404</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/swampslip/pseuds/swampslip</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"You really don't have to do this," Dutch says, a bit hoarse, then laughs lightly and gestures at the older man, "I'm not a child, Hosea."</p><p>"... Of course you aren't," Hosea says quietly and Dutch is surprised at the amount of hurt in the older man's tone. </p><p>"I… I can bathe myself."</p><p>"This was never about your capabilities," Hosea says, and he still sounds hurt and Dutch's chest aches. </p><p>"... Should I apologize?"</p><p>Hosea sighs quietly and looks down at the soap and cloth. </p><p>"I thought we'd gotten past this."</p><p>"Past what?" Dutch asks cautiously. </p><p>"You, not trustin' me," Hosea says and steps closer, gesturing with the cloth, studying the younger man's face, "Why don't you trust me?"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hosea Matthews/Dutch van der Linde</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Pining, Pitch</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>dutch is around 19/20 here and Hosea is closer to his late-twenties/30 jsyk <br/>this also operates on the headcanon that hosea cares a whole lot about 'propriety' and he's the one who taught dutch how to fake it</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He presses his palm so firmly against his nose and mouth he has a few seconds of panic before remembering he can shift his fingers, expose his nostrils, let himself breathe.</p><p>Dutch takes in a desperate, shaky breath, glancing up, across their camp, at the vague shape of Hosea in their tent. </p><p>The firelight only barely reaches him here, back pressed to a sturdy pine. </p><p>But if Hosea were to maybe… Maybe just peek out, check up on him, wonder why he’s been gone so long. </p><p>Dutch muffles a weak sound against his palm, gripping the base of his cock tightly. </p><p>He closes his eyes and tries to get his wits about him. </p><p>But he’s sitting not thirty feet from Hosea, hand down his trousers, and he’s not sure if he’s any wits to retrieve in this situation. </p><p>He whispers a soft curse against his hand and shifts his grip on himself, watching the silhouette of Hosea as the older man sits on his bed, turns another page in another book and Dutch wants those fingers on him. </p><p>Replacing his own touch, as he strokes up his length, squirming against the bark. </p><p>Hosea was just so… </p><p><em>Different</em>, than anyone Dutch had ever been close to. </p><p>He’d had fleeting interactions, mostly with people his age, mostly with women his age. </p><p>But Hosea, handsome, older, confident <em>Hosea</em>… </p><p>“Shit,” Dutch murmurs and strokes himself faster, eyes scanning their tent to make sure Hosea isn’t coming after him. </p><p>“Shit,” Dutch whimpers, grips himself as his stomach clenches and his cock jerks, “Ah- <em>Hosea</em>.”</p><p>--</p><p>“I’m going down to the river,” Dutch says as evenly as he can, uncomfortable with the damp come in his drawers, thanking every star that he wore dark trousers today. </p><p>“Oh?” Hosea looks up in surprise, jerked out of being absorbed by whatever text his eyes had been roving over. </p><p>Humming. </p><p>Dutch gathers a change of clothes, soap, a rag. </p><p>Hosea climbs off his bed and stretches his arms up with a groan. </p><p>Dutch bites his tongue at the way that sound makes his softening cock twitch. </p><p>“I think I’ll join you.”</p><p>And it's the last thing Dutch is expecting.</p><p>He just blinks dumbly and watches as Hosea gathers his own things then turns to the younger man, nodding at the entrance of the tent. </p><p>"All set?" </p><p>"Yes… Yeah," Dutch mutters and ducks out of the tent first, walking a bit fast towards the river. </p><p>Hosea hardly has a problem keeping up with him though and starts humming some familiar but unplaceable tune as they make their way down the bank. </p><p>Dutch doesn't exactly know how to go about this without revealing the mess in his pants and on his cock so he takes everything slow. </p><p>Easing his boots off and pretending to stretch, yawn, starting to unbutton his shirt leisurely. </p><p>"Moving slow, there, friend," Hosea teases softly and the older man's already down to his drawers. </p><p>There's an edge of concern to his voice, though and Dutch tentatively looks up from undoing his shirt. </p><p>"Hope… I hope I haven't imposed upon you," Hosea says slowly, unbuttoning and stepping out of his drawers, "Suppose it was rather rude of me to not ask."</p><p>"Oh," Dutch murmurs and looks back down, "Nah, I'm just a little tired." </p><p>“Well, I’m sure this will wake you right up,” Hosea says, dipping his toes into the edge of the water, “Bit chilly.”</p><p>“Probably warmer come summer,” Dutch says and keeps a close eye on the older man wading into the water to make sure Hosea’s back is turned when he pulls off his own pants and drawers, trying to subtly wipe any come off his cock in the same movement. </p><p>Then quickly wading into the water, even further than the older man, shivering at the cold when he gets ribs deep. </p><p>Hosea quirks a brow at him, having paused when Dutch rushed past him. </p><p>“Best just get it over with,” Dutch says, a slight waver to his voice before he pinches his nose and folds up, dunking himself under the water completely. </p><p>Coming back up gasping and shoving his hair back. </p><p>“Oh, Christ,” Dutch says breathily and shivers again, rubbing the water off his face. </p><p>He hears Hosea’s soft laughter as the older man does the same, dropping under the surface with a splash. </p><p>And Dutch watches with a small furrow in his brows when the older man doesn’t come back up. </p><p>He feels soft fingertips brush his thigh and stumbles away from the touch, nearly falling over. </p><p>Hosea comes back up, laughing again, a little louder, a little lower and Dutch’s face flushes. </p><p>“Hosea!” Dutch chastises roughly, his heart caught in his throat. </p><p>Hosea’s only a few feet from him now, bare and soaked and smiling at him. </p><p>“You’re far too tense, Brother,” Hosea says and shakes his head in amusement, combing back his hair and gesturing at Dutch loosely, “There’s nothing dangerous in these waters.”</p><p>Dutch huffs and feels his cheeks warming further. </p><p>If Hosea knew just how much he’d liked that fleeting touch, he’d surely be found wanton. </p><p>“Ha-Ha,” Dutch mutters and turns, wading back to the bank to grab his cloth and soap, soaking both and rubbing them together roughly. </p><p>He listens to Hosea coming up next to him but refuses to lift his pinked face. </p><p>Hosea’s knuckles brush against the cap of his shoulder and Dutch tenses. </p><p>“Here,” Hosea says and holds his hand out in front of Dutch, “I’ll make it up to you.”</p><p>Dutch stares at the hand, held palm-up in front of him, and knows that this is a dangerous game. </p><p>Surely the older man is viewing this as a platonic act of service.</p><p>If he refuses Hosea will be hurt by his supposed disgust. </p><p>If he accepts… Well, he might not end up the one disgusted. </p><p>Dutch mumbles his acceptance and sets the cloth and soap in Hosea’s hand, pulling his own back and hovering them awkwardly. </p><p>He turns his back to Hosea and fidgets his hands, picking at the skin around his nails. </p><p>Hosea's hands settle on his shoulders and pull back on them lightly, forcing Dutch's posture to straighten. </p><p>"Don't slouch," Hosea murmurs, and the cloth rubs over the top of his shoulders and Dutch stares out at the distant sky. </p><p>Hosea's got something about him, when he's like this, firm but not cruel. </p><p>Kind, but not soft. </p><p>"You always get sloppy when you're tired," Hosea huffs, "You'll pay for it later."</p><p>Spreading the soap over the backs of Dutch's ribs, slow, small circles. </p><p>Dutch swallows and clenches his fists as Hosea runs the cloth down Dutch's spine. </p><p>He's expecting the older man to bail out mid-back, but Hosea goes lower and lower and Dutch tenses. </p><p>Hosea's hand is centered between the dimples on either side of his spine, slowly rubbing and Dutch shivers, pulling away in the same moment. </p><p>Standing frozen for a second then turning to Hosea, hoping his face isn't as red as it feels. </p><p>"You really don't have to do this," Dutch says, a bit hoarse, then laughs lightly and gestures at the older man, "I'm not a child, Hosea."</p><p>"... Of course you aren't," Hosea says quietly and Dutch is surprised at the amount of hurt in the older man's tone. </p><p>"I… I can bathe myself."</p><p>"This was never about your capabilities," Hosea says, and he still sounds hurt and Dutch's chest aches. </p><p>"... Should I apologize?"</p><p>Hosea sighs quietly and looks down at the soap and cloth. </p><p>"I thought we'd gotten past this."</p><p>"Past what?" Dutch asks cautiously. </p><p>"You, not trustin' me," Hosea says and steps closer, gesturing with the cloth, studying the younger man's face, "Why don't you trust me?"</p><p>"Of course I trust you, Hosea," Dutch laughs, "You've saved my life, I've saved yours. We're brothers, partners. I have to trust you." </p><p>"... You lie to me," Hosea murmurs, "You disappear on me. You won't let me wash your back."</p><p>Dutch blinks at the older man and he has to wonder if he's been too obvious or if Hosea's just too smart for him. </p><p>"Hosea…"</p><p>"Do you think I'm going to hurt you or something?" Hosea asks thickly, blonde brows furrowing roughly, "I've tried to be so careful with you, Dutch." </p><p>"... What?" </p><p>"I don't want you to think I'm gonna take advantage of you or play you through this game and use you or anything like that," Hosea says and his voice is lower and rougher, thick with sincerity, "I don't know what I did that made you think otherwise."</p><p>Dutch stares at the older man for a moment, blinking widely and Hosea's expression slowly crumples, the older man shaking his head. </p><p>"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have intruded like this it was-" </p><p>"Wait, wait-" Dutch quickly shuffles forward and grabs Hosea's arm tightly, "... Just hold on." </p><p>"It's fine, if you don't want me here- If I've made this too uncomfortable-" </p><p>"Hosea," Dutch says quietly, squeezing the older man's arm tightly, his heart hummingbird quick in his chest, "I have lied to you… And I do disappear… And I feel guilty about you washing my back when-" </p><p>Dutch swallows roughly and some of his hair is starting to dry, thin, black ringlets falling into his face when he drops his eyes to the top of the older man's chest. </p><p>"I-" Dutch laughs weakly, and for the first time in a while he's terrified, "I was jacking off."</p><p>"... What?" </p><p>"I wanted to bathe, and I was moving slow, being strange… Because I just blew in my pants." </p><p>"... Oh."</p><p>"And I know you're a- A religious man, I don't wanna turn you away by… Sinning," Dutch says quietly, "I'm sorry." </p><p>"So when you're disappearing… You're-?" Hosea asks hoarsely, "Every time?" </p><p>"... Yessir," Dutch mumbles and braces just a bit, preparing to be scolded by this man in front of him. </p><p>Hosea had done him a favor, taking him in, combining their forces so they could finally go to sleep full, not hungry. </p><p>"Good God, Dutch," Hosea snorts and Dutch looks up in shock, "I thought you were making moves to leave. You're just- You're-"</p><p>"I'm sorry," Dutch says again, and apologizing to Hosea is easier than apologizing to anyone else has ever been. </p><p>"You don't need to be sorry for being, well, young, Dutch." </p><p>"... If you want honesty, it's more than that." </p><p>"Oh?" </p><p>"I wouldn't be trying so hard to hide my… Actions, as much as I'm tryna hide my desires." </p><p>Hosea studies him for a moment then glances over Dutch's shoulder. </p><p>"I would've made a horrible priest," Hosea murmurs, "I had figured." </p><p>"What? Really?" </p><p>"Dutch… You're good at many things, but subtly is far, <em>far</em> from your set of skills." </p><p>"I just didn't wanna make you uncomfortable or if you ended up hatin' me- I- I couldn't live with that." </p><p>"I… I'm surprised, that's definitely not what I pictured you doing but-" Hosea laughs softly and reaches out, mirroring Dutch and gripping the younger man's arm, "I don't care if you like men, Dutch." </p><p>"But do you care that I like you?" </p><p>"... You- Wait," Hosea squeezes his arm, studying him rapidly, and Dutch realizes they weren't talking about the same thing, "You're… About me?" </p><p>"... Yes." </p><p>"That's not what I- I thought by 'desires' you just meant men, not…" Hosea's voice cracks and he swallows, "Not myself as one of those men." </p><p>"Lately… The only man." </p><p>"My God." </p><p>Dutch holds tense, uncertain as he lets Hosea process that. </p><p>“I just…” Hosea trails off for a moment, looking down at his hand on Dutch’s arm, Dutch’s hand on his. </p><p>Dutch falters and pulls his hand away, trying to get a read on Hosea’s feelings. </p><p>Then Hosea grips his arm tighter before his hand slides up, over the cap of Dutch’s shoulder, holding him in place, thumb digging into the meat behind Dutch’s collarbone. </p><p>“I’m not sure how you want me to respond to that,” Hosea says after a moment.</p><p>“... I mean most anything besides you shootin’ me would be preferable,” Dutch croaks. </p><p>Hosea stares at him, then frowns, looking down, to the side, back up, searching Dutch’s eyes for something. </p><p>“I… I need a moment to think about this,” Hosea whispers and squeezes Dutch’s shoulder, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>He gently pushes the cloth and soap into Dutch’s hands then pulls away completely.</p><p>Walking to the bank where his clothes are and Dutch averts his eyes while the older man gets dressed and leaves. </p><p>Dutch bends his knees and lowers himself into the water until it’s just below his chin, groaning softly at his own stupidity.</p><p>--</p><p>Hosea’s already asleep when he finally comes into their tent an hour or so later. </p><p>Dutch tries to move as quietly as possible as he puts his things away and lays down. </p><p>Facing the older man, watching the steady rise and fall of Hosea’s chest as he falls asleep.</p><p>--</p><p>Dutch wakes up first and slips out of the tent, getting their kettle boiling and pouring them both some coffee. </p><p>He sets Hosea’s on the crate between their cots then sits cross-legged on his own bed. </p><p>Waiting, staring into more than actually drinking his coffee. </p><p>Hosea starts to stir after just a few minutes and Dutch holds himself tense and silent. </p><p>“... Good morning,” Hosea murmurs, voice thick and rough with sleep and Dutch just swallows. </p><p>He can’t seem to bring himself to look up, despite the fact that he wants everything to just go on, normally, even if that means never mentioning it again. </p><p>Hosea stands from his bed and stretches then grabs his coffee and slowly sits on the middle of Dutch’s cot. </p><p>That gets Dutch to look up. </p><p>Only a few inches between his shins and Hosea’s thigh. </p><p>Hosea studies him quietly, then reaches out with his free hand and squeezes Dutch’s ankle. </p><p>“I don’t know how to do this,” Hosea admits softly, squeezes again, rubbing his thumb over the bony bump. </p><p>“Do what?”</p><p>“... Be with you, Dutch, I don’t know how.” </p><p>“You don’t gotta- I mean, God, Hosea, I’d take it all back if you wanted.”</p><p>“You know we can’t just… Go back,” Hosea murmurs and meets Dutch’s eyes seriously, “Let’s try forward, instead.”</p><p>“... Alright,” Dutch whispers hoarsely. </p><p>Hosea looks down at his hand on Dutch then softly pats the younger man’s leg. </p><p>“Dutch… I care for you dearly, I hope you know that,” Hosea whispers, “But if you could allow me a little grace, if I might mess anything up…”</p><p>“Hosea-”</p><p>“I mean it, Dutch. I’m out of my depth here, but I… I want to try.”</p><p>“... Yeah,” Dutch mumbles, “I’ll take whatever.”</p><p>Dutch blinks and tenses when Hosea’s fingertips slide up his bare calf. </p><p>“Hosea?” Dutch whispers.</p><p>“Do you like this?” Hosea nods down at his hand, creeping up to the hem of Dutch’s drawers, then ghosting back down.</p><p>Dutch grips the tin cup between his hands tightly and stares. </p><p>“Dutch?” The older man whispers. </p><p>“Am I <em>allowed</em> to?” Dutch asks hoarsely. </p><p>“I… Yeah, that’s kinda the point,” Hosea swallows and his fingertips slip under the fabric, rubbing the sensitive skin next to the crook of Dutch’s knee. </p><p>“I- Uh-” Dutch squirms and sucks on the inside of his cheek, “Yes.”</p><p>“I’m not sure <em>how</em>, as I said… But, I suppose we’re all human,” Hosea murmurs and keeps lightly rubbing as he sips on his coffee and Dutch can only sit there and stare. </p><p>This feels unreal, Hosea so casually touching him like <em>this</em>, sitting with him, sharing coffee and thoughts in the morning like they’re husband and wife. </p><p>Dutch makes a quiet sound under his breath, confused and uncertain. </p><p>“Hm?” Hosea prompts, softly squeezing Dutch’s calf. </p><p>“Just… Surprised,” Dutch says hoarsely, “I was sure you were gonna wake up n’ tell me to leave, or leave yourself.”</p><p>“… I’m sorry if I made you think that. I don’t want- Well, either of those.”</p><p>Hosea’s hand moves a little higher, barely brushing up Dutch’s thigh. </p><p>“You know we don’t gotta-”</p><p>“Don’t have to,” Hosea murmurs, sighing softly, “And yes, I know.”</p><p>“… Do you want to?” Dutch whispers, trying to not let himself sound hopeful. </p><p>“I’m… Curious.”</p><p>“’Course, yeah, you always are. Reading and asking about- Everything.”</p><p>“I’m curious about <em>you</em>, Dutch.”</p><p>“Oh, well-” Dutch clears his throat lightly and stares at the way the older man’s knuckles are shifting, the way the callouses are rough on his inner thigh, “I’m an open book.”</p><p>“I don’t think you are,” Hosea murmurs, and his fingers still, the older man smiling softly at him, leaning in, “But you would let me open you, wouldn’t you? Wear your pages and crack your spine.”</p><p>Dutch can only make a shaky sound, looking at Hosea like he’s never seen the older man before. </p><p>And of course he’s seen him <em>flirt</em> with <em>women</em> usually to get something from them or distract them. </p><p>Dutch feels just as foolish, sitting with the knowledge that he’s just as easily charmed by the low tones and those soft eyes. </p><p>He nods and Hosea’s smile turns into a brief grin, the older man squeezing his thigh before pulling back, lifting the coffee in a small toast as he stands. </p><p>“Forward, Dutch,” Hosea says cheerily, then he wanders out of their tent like it’s nothing but normal. </p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>